Total Goof

Ha, this is really not a good sign of my editing skills when I totally goofed on the dates written on the blog. I thought I was so clever in updating the first blog to make something that i wrote yesterday good for today. So... not so clever.

Sweet jibberdijobers!

I swear I'm usually better at editing than this! For those of you who haven't heard, I'm here slugging it out in NYC trying to get myself into book publishing. So far, no dice. I ended up temping at a fashion designer's instead (which is an interesting experience in itself).

When I left Canada, I told everybody - two weeks or bust! I either had to get an intership, or job that could lead into publishing, or an administrative job that paid too much to turn down, or go back to Edmonton in two weeks to bum out on my aunts couch while I keep applying. Two weeks turned to four, turning into five... now I'm still here, almost nine weeks overdue for a reality check, but still reluctant to leave. Why is that, I ask myself? It's not like I'm having the time of my life here, kickin it NYC style or even Jersey style. I go to work, commute, then hang out at home by myself. It's a good thing I'm great at being a hermit anyway. Plus I like being a homebody. As much as I love the city and want to go out exploring, between commuting and being weary of getting home after dark, I don't have time to hang out. Plus, I don't exactly make enough to go out with friends if I want to afford food beyond the dollar menu and make rent. So why am I still here?

Good question.

Stubbornness? Complete obstinacy? Maybe. I just don't want to be beaten.

My health is slowly returning and my determination is making its comeback appearances in spurts and surges. I used to be an incredibly determined person (if you never noticed it, it was because it was in the guise of naive optimism), but after I got sick, my bullheaded determination turned more into a quiet determination that really was more of actual optimism than just the look of it. Now that I'm stronger physically, i now feel like there's something I have to prove - to myself, if no one else. Somehow, I want to prove that I can survive and succeed by myself without leaning on my family. That I can live standing on my own two feet if I want to, because that means, if I'm firmly planted on my own feet, I can be a real support to others again.

If I can make it here, I can make it anywhere... right? Supposedly.

So I'm giving myself until the next week. Or whenever they have a replacement temp for me at work.

After that, where to next? Probably back to Dallas instead of Canada. Ugh! And in the middle of summer too? Oh well. My brother wants me to go so he can live with me over there and not work while he finishes school.

Whatever... I'm ready for anything! I think ;)